Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
