Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
