If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize