There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
