I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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