tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
