dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
