I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
