The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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