I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
