i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize