just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
