You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
