um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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