We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
