I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
