im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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