Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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