It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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