I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize