I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
