why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
