You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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