She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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