I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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