Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at about main and main street
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
