please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
