why didn't you poke me back
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
