i just had sex bonerless
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
