had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
