I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
