Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
