just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
