omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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