god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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