Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
