walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize