he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
