I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize