I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
