I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
