Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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