I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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