ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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