It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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