I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
