Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
