If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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