id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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