I'm lost and stupid without you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
