If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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