Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
