Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
