my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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