I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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