hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
