My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
