And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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