She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bring me that man meat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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