Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
