you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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