I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
