apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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