the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
