FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He shit in the fireplace
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
