This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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