We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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