i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
