youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
