i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
