She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
