I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
