the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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